That is the only word that comes to my mind right now!! Because I am highly confused!! I want to do some thing and I end up doing some thing else and hurting all the people around me. This keeps me away from doing some thing. I don’t know I am really confused!! The whole of yesterday was just a big confusion. Things that were not meant happen happened and things I wanted to happen never happened.
I don’t know it was never like this for me. Normally in the past (recent past) I used to decide what to happen pertaining to my life but it seems now that every one else around me is controlling me and I have lost the grip of my life which is not good!! Not good at all. I used to enjoy every moment I spent some where but now it seems the other way round. I really don’t know what has happened.
Even I want to talk with some people I am afraid to do so because I don’t know what to talk because I think if I talk it will end up that person being hurt. But then again watching that person from the distant is very hurtful for me too. But I think that it was meant to happen like this even though some time back i never cared about the things that were meant to happen. I always made them according to the way I want. Now I am fed up of it. I just don’t want to do any thing hurtful to any person.
If the only way to keep the friendship and not to hurt those people is keep my mouth shut and not talking I am going to take that challenge. It seems to be the hardest thing in my life right now. But I don’t know if i have to do this I will have to do this.
Only few days more!! Then every thing is over. I think I will not be confused after that. I remember a person say never say good bye(me my self told that) but right now I think I am waiting to say good bye because this is soon hurtful and i want to relax.
I have never got what I want or what I deserve but always has got one thing which sorrow!! I am used to it.
How ever all of this s just confusing. I thought life was all about happiness and sadness but it seems it’s all about Happiness, sadness and CONFUSION.
I think the best way to wait till she talk and reply in the nicest way I can because I don’t want to start and hurt her. But one fact is that I am not a courage less bugger who cannot get over some thing! It’s just that i have left all that for the time to decided even it has done no good for me but has ruined every thing.
Let me hope for the best and hope that the day without any confusion is coming closer. I am waiting for the best to happen and Hope that I will some day get to be there for her as some one special or as a friend.
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