I need a change!!!

This is some thing that came to mind and which i need to convince my self!!!!!!!

Change is some thing that i have discovered as essential for my life right now!!! I have to go back to who I was!! I should be independent as I was before!! No bond!!! Nothing!!! I know I will be really hard for me to go back to who I was!! but I need to be the one that was there before 3 months.

Because the Sajith I knew then was happy all the time!! was enjoying life more than today!! I think thats better than any thing!!! What I have learned all this time is that we should never expect any thing from any body because when we don’t get what we expect it’s really hurtful!!! Its really hurtful!!!

Even I regret the fact that it took me this long to understand it still I am happy that I at least I understood it!!! It is really important for us to understand that people always can’t give what we expect!! There are boundaries and limits that he or she has to stick to!!!But yes some times some people make fake boundaries and limits to use as excuses what we should understand is that the only one whom u can trust totally is none other than you self!!!

There have been lot of people who were always there for me and cared for me!!! but then again I can’t tell then or expect them to stay there for me always because it is damn selfish!!!!! How ever I am very thankful  to them specially tumal, piyu and Nadee!!! But yet they can’t waste all their time on my useless work!!!

I have to understand this!! I knew this some time back!! But i see some change in myself which has made me forget all that which has changed me who was independent one to a nonindependent one!!!

I need to go back in the history and I prefer to change some decision i have made in the past!!!! If I could do that I would have done that with happiness but sadly not yet a time traveling instrument has been implemented( hehehe!!! I am try to find a one!!!)

How ever I need to be the person who talked with flowers, who talked with inanimate object when he was sad and shared everything with the people around!!! I need to get off this chair in front of the computer and need to think about some thing else other than the country matrix. I need to go shopping with my mother!! I want to watch some movies and enjoy them!! I want to dedicate my life to my self!!!

I need to a change a change which can make me go back in the time!! I know no else can do that!! I my self have to go back the history and be my self!!! I am going to do that!! Thats a promise i give to my self!!!

Let it today be the starting point!!! I am going to run the race of change and going to win it some how!!

Life is Not what I think of!!!

I am spending a life at the present which is covered with MUN, Drama, Debating and more and more responsibilities. Its all responsibilities. Some times not my responsibilities but i have got to do them for the sake of the majority and my school and my family. It is just that my whole life is full of responsibilities. Is this what life is?? It was life for me till last night, till I discovered that I had a far more interesting life some time back. I had time to watch a movie which i liked, I had time to stare at the sky and count the stars. I had time to share some laughter with my family and I had some time to wander in the garden and feel the cool breezes. Isn’t that what life is.

That Is the best part of the life. There can be responsibilities then and there but not always. Right now what I do is 27/7 i am seated in front of the computer altering the country matrix, writing letters, making plans and try to get the sorrows of others my head and help them off with it. I never care for my self. I stay up till 2 or 3 in the morning doing MUN which did gave lot of happiness to me but not anymore. It has just been some thing that make me annoyed.

Now I realize this is not what life is. One of my really good friends ask last night ” Saj, where is the ending of your journey?? Life flies off when you finish your journey” My answer for that was isn’t this what life is. I am going in the journey of life.  But after some time i realized that this is not what life is.

What happened to all those things that I did about one year ago. All of that faded of when SLMUN organizing started in march. People started it with much grandness and talked about it highly. It was like a balloon filled with air. All these grand talks and Highly behaviors vanished of with time. It was just me who was there to give some positive attitude to this.

At the end i was carrying the sin of being a very responsible person. I had to carry all the sins of the people around me. Which change my whole life to a very deferent area which i no more want to call as the life. I want to go back to what I was. I want to be what was one year before. I want to talk with those birds I used to talk. I want to draw coconut trees and rabbits which i used to do most of the time.

I just want to have a day off with all these responsibilities. I am sure that day is never closer. Have to wait till the 13th of August till I finish of this this. I will never do a major even like this again because at the end its all depression that I get. No sleep, no happiness jsut being seated infront of the computer counting numbers making forms and thats it.

Life is never what we think of. Life has a lot to be explored. But how ever its true that we are bonded to some things, some people and specially some once. But what we have to understand is that life is not all about these bonds. There is a lot more than that.

We should learn to have fun while do all this. We should learn to do our part of work and keep quite(this some this that I will never do!!!) But we should learn all this. Learn that life is not just about work. Some people think that we are desperate about them, that we are annoyance but what they should understand is that if there have being any positive changes in life it because of some one who is annoying. Actually the once who are annoying are not at all annoying, they are the once who care for you a lot!! Think about you parents. At times they are the most annoying people on this earth. But the truth is that they care for us and that’s why they don’t want us to do any thing wrong!!!

We do stupid things in this life we think to be perfect and for any thing that goes wrong we tend to say that it was meant to happen. Its is just a lame excuse. But since about 2 months I have changes a lot!! I have changed a lot that I never think twice before I do some thing. I was not like this before. I would say that I was never like this. I want to be my self again. I want to enjoy this life. I don’t this life to be filled up with MUN and Drama and debating!! I want to learn the true meaning of what life is!!! What I have to say to any one who read this is that never get obsessed with work It will never help you to be happy. It is just depression that you will get.

Why I am writing all this is because I want to convince my self that i am not in the right track and that I have to get to the right one. I should learn what life is!!! I should know the limits of responsibilities.

Am I the only one who is wrong for what happen is yesterday!! I never thought it would be much of a big deal when i took every step in order to clear all misunderstandings. But then again yes what we should understand is that family is the most important thing at the end!! If they say some thing it is for our good. It shows that we are a part of the family. No matter what others do our families will

I hope that i will enjoy life at least now!!! But how ever you should understand that I never expected any thing from you!! I never did!! Just that I saw the star that i like inside you!! Let me admire that star for ever!! Just let the time solve every thing!! At least let it make every thing worse!!!!!