I think I was wrong!!!

Small small thing when they go wrong can bared because life is all about mistakes and learning from them We never learned to walk at once. We stood up, we fell off and we tried a lot of times.

I don’t know!! There are some things that you think is good to be done but at the end u understand that it was just a wrong decision. I think this is also another one of them. But then again it is true that I did have that thing!! and that i wanted to tell it. But i think where it went wrong was the time and the way that i told that. I don’t know it’s really confusing.

I thought that I was good at judging people and situations but it just seems not. But then again i feel it is not like that also. I think my life needs to be sorted out. I think it need to be changed from this confused state to a more nice and clear state.

to be continued….. tooooo busyyyyyyyy!!!!

Confusion!! Confusion and Confusion!!!

That is the only word that comes to my mind right now!! Because I am highly confused!! I want to do some thing and I end up doing some thing else and hurting all the people around me. This keeps me away from doing some thing. I don’t know I am really confused!! The whole of yesterday was just a big confusion. Things that were not meant happen happened and things I wanted to happen never happened.

I don’t know it was never like this for me. Normally in the past (recent past) I used to decide what to happen pertaining to my life but it seems now that every one else around me is controlling me and I have lost the grip of my life which is not good!! Not good at all. I used to enjoy every moment I spent some where but now it seems the other way round. I really don’t know what has happened.

Even I want to talk with some people I am afraid to do so because I don’t know what to talk because I think if I talk it will end up that person being hurt. But then again watching that person from the distant is very hurtful for me too. But I think that it was meant to happen like this even though some time back i never cared about the things that were meant to happen. I always made them according to the way I want. Now I am fed up of it. I just don’t want to do any thing hurtful to any person.

If the only way to keep the friendship and not to hurt those people is keep my mouth shut and not talking I am going to take that challenge. It seems to be the hardest thing in my life right now. But I don’t know if i have to do this I will have to do this.

Only few days more!! Then every thing is over. I think I will not be confused after that. I remember  a person say  never say good bye(me  my self told that)  but right now I think I am waiting to say good bye because this is soon hurtful and  i want to relax.

I have never got what I want or what I deserve but always has got one thing which sorrow!! I am used to it.

How ever all of this s just confusing. I thought life was all about happiness and sadness but it seems it’s all about Happiness, sadness and CONFUSION.

I think the best way to wait till she talk and reply in the nicest way I can because I don’t want to start and hurt her. But one fact is that I am not a courage less bugger who cannot get over some thing! It’s just that i have left all that for the time to decided even it has done no good for me but has ruined every thing.

Let me hope for the best and hope that the day without any confusion is coming closer. I am waiting for the best to happen and Hope that  I will some day get to be there for her as some one special or  as a friend.

You seem to be far Away!!!

You were really close to me!!! We met accidentally and started liking each accidentally!!! Suddenly Every thing changed and now I feel as if your really far away to me!! I feel it’s not the person I liked! But still some of your actions keep me thinking that it is still you.

I don’t know what happened suddenly but I am sure that some thing has happened. I don’t know who is right and who is wrong!! I never been able to get what I want in my life and I think this is another one of them. I don’t know what to do!! I don’t want to go checking for who is write and who is wrong because i think that no matter who is wrong it is high time for us to forget about it. It is really hard for me to keep my mouth shut without talking when I see you but still I some how doing that.

Nothing was impossible for me and I am sure that nothing will be impossible for me in the future too. If your choosing this way, Fine!!! I don’t mind but I don’t think that your doing with the agreement of your self. you are faking your self. Your just trying to be some one else when you can’t be that.

I don’t know if you prefer that way I am OK with that. I want speak a word about it. How ever I still hope that it will change soon. I think that i will get another day where i talk with you as I did in those days. How ever what I has to say at last is that I MISS YOU ALOT!!!

One Moment!!

Just think for a moment what I am going to tell you all about!! Just think for a moment whether it is worth to read this post and waste about 2 minutes of your precious time. Because these ONE MOMENTS’ are really important and precious. The Decisions that we take during the day, the decision that we take in every moment can cost us a lot!! Can affect us a lot in the future!! It can be good or it can be bad.

So every second of our lives or every moment of our lives are really precious and important. Every single decision we take should be taken with great care and after putting lot of thoughts into that. Just because i feel to jump off the balcony I should not do it because it will harm me, and the people around. If I die the cost for the funeral, if my leg breaks the cost get medical attention all that is an unnecessary cost for my family right now.

Like wise every single thing we do should have a justification which comes behind it. It should be good for me and for the others. So every single MOMENT of our life should be handled with great care and much thought. Life is never too short if we use every single moment usefully, usefully according to you. What I meant by that is some thing that you think useful will be told useless by some one else but still if you have reasonable reason for what you call useful then never hesitate to take that decision of carrying that action out.

All these Moments that we spend together is call the life of a person so in other word every single moment of our life will be a new addition for our life. It is always up to us to make our lives beautiful by spending every moment of life for some thing use full.

One moment can make you cry for the rest of your life and like wise one moment of your life can make you enjoy your life for the rest of your life. So guys and girls think a lot before you do some thing. It’s really important to know exactly what your doing before you do it. Never take any decision that u will hesitate in the future but never think its too late for any thing!! there is a lot of time!! think a lot and do any thing if you can enjoy your life truly!!!TRUELY!!!

I need a change!!!

This is some thing that came to mind and which i need to convince my self!!!!!!!

Change is some thing that i have discovered as essential for my life right now!!! I have to go back to who I was!! I should be independent as I was before!! No bond!!! Nothing!!! I know I will be really hard for me to go back to who I was!! but I need to be the one that was there before 3 months.

Because the Sajith I knew then was happy all the time!! was enjoying life more than today!! I think thats better than any thing!!! What I have learned all this time is that we should never expect any thing from any body because when we don’t get what we expect it’s really hurtful!!! Its really hurtful!!!

Even I regret the fact that it took me this long to understand it still I am happy that I at least I understood it!!! It is really important for us to understand that people always can’t give what we expect!! There are boundaries and limits that he or she has to stick to!!!But yes some times some people make fake boundaries and limits to use as excuses what we should understand is that the only one whom u can trust totally is none other than you self!!!

There have been lot of people who were always there for me and cared for me!!! but then again I can’t tell then or expect them to stay there for me always because it is damn selfish!!!!! How ever I am very thankful  to them specially tumal, piyu and Nadee!!! But yet they can’t waste all their time on my useless work!!!

I have to understand this!! I knew this some time back!! But i see some change in myself which has made me forget all that which has changed me who was independent one to a nonindependent one!!!

I need to go back in the history and I prefer to change some decision i have made in the past!!!! If I could do that I would have done that with happiness but sadly not yet a time traveling instrument has been implemented( hehehe!!! I am try to find a one!!!)

How ever I need to be the person who talked with flowers, who talked with inanimate object when he was sad and shared everything with the people around!!! I need to get off this chair in front of the computer and need to think about some thing else other than the country matrix. I need to go shopping with my mother!! I want to watch some movies and enjoy them!! I want to dedicate my life to my self!!!

I need to a change a change which can make me go back in the time!! I know no else can do that!! I my self have to go back the history and be my self!!! I am going to do that!! Thats a promise i give to my self!!!

Let it today be the starting point!!! I am going to run the race of change and going to win it some how!!

Life is Not what I think of!!!

I am spending a life at the present which is covered with MUN, Drama, Debating and more and more responsibilities. Its all responsibilities. Some times not my responsibilities but i have got to do them for the sake of the majority and my school and my family. It is just that my whole life is full of responsibilities. Is this what life is?? It was life for me till last night, till I discovered that I had a far more interesting life some time back. I had time to watch a movie which i liked, I had time to stare at the sky and count the stars. I had time to share some laughter with my family and I had some time to wander in the garden and feel the cool breezes. Isn’t that what life is.

That Is the best part of the life. There can be responsibilities then and there but not always. Right now what I do is 27/7 i am seated in front of the computer altering the country matrix, writing letters, making plans and try to get the sorrows of others my head and help them off with it. I never care for my self. I stay up till 2 or 3 in the morning doing MUN which did gave lot of happiness to me but not anymore. It has just been some thing that make me annoyed.

Now I realize this is not what life is. One of my really good friends ask last night ” Saj, where is the ending of your journey?? Life flies off when you finish your journey” My answer for that was isn’t this what life is. I am going in the journey of life.  But after some time i realized that this is not what life is.

What happened to all those things that I did about one year ago. All of that faded of when SLMUN organizing started in march. People started it with much grandness and talked about it highly. It was like a balloon filled with air. All these grand talks and Highly behaviors vanished of with time. It was just me who was there to give some positive attitude to this.

At the end i was carrying the sin of being a very responsible person. I had to carry all the sins of the people around me. Which change my whole life to a very deferent area which i no more want to call as the life. I want to go back to what I was. I want to be what was one year before. I want to talk with those birds I used to talk. I want to draw coconut trees and rabbits which i used to do most of the time.

I just want to have a day off with all these responsibilities. I am sure that day is never closer. Have to wait till the 13th of August till I finish of this this. I will never do a major even like this again because at the end its all depression that I get. No sleep, no happiness jsut being seated infront of the computer counting numbers making forms and thats it.

Life is never what we think of. Life has a lot to be explored. But how ever its true that we are bonded to some things, some people and specially some once. But what we have to understand is that life is not all about these bonds. There is a lot more than that.

We should learn to have fun while do all this. We should learn to do our part of work and keep quite(this some this that I will never do!!!) But we should learn all this. Learn that life is not just about work. Some people think that we are desperate about them, that we are annoyance but what they should understand is that if there have being any positive changes in life it because of some one who is annoying. Actually the once who are annoying are not at all annoying, they are the once who care for you a lot!! Think about you parents. At times they are the most annoying people on this earth. But the truth is that they care for us and that’s why they don’t want us to do any thing wrong!!!

We do stupid things in this life we think to be perfect and for any thing that goes wrong we tend to say that it was meant to happen. Its is just a lame excuse. But since about 2 months I have changes a lot!! I have changed a lot that I never think twice before I do some thing. I was not like this before. I would say that I was never like this. I want to be my self again. I want to enjoy this life. I don’t this life to be filled up with MUN and Drama and debating!! I want to learn the true meaning of what life is!!! What I have to say to any one who read this is that never get obsessed with work It will never help you to be happy. It is just depression that you will get.

Why I am writing all this is because I want to convince my self that i am not in the right track and that I have to get to the right one. I should learn what life is!!! I should know the limits of responsibilities.

Am I the only one who is wrong for what happen is yesterday!! I never thought it would be much of a big deal when i took every step in order to clear all misunderstandings. But then again yes what we should understand is that family is the most important thing at the end!! If they say some thing it is for our good. It shows that we are a part of the family. No matter what others do our families will

I hope that i will enjoy life at least now!!! But how ever you should understand that I never expected any thing from you!! I never did!! Just that I saw the star that i like inside you!! Let me admire that star for ever!! Just let the time solve every thing!! At least let it make every thing worse!!!!!

Literal or Metaphorical!!!

What do you think??? To what would you vote for?? Metaphorical or Literal!!! I would rather select metaphorical!!! Every thing when its taken from it’s literal sense it can be too harsh and to simple. But when its metaphorical you can say that harsh thing in a very nice way but its more effective. But then again every one do not get metaphors. Most of the people this world prefer things to be straight forward!! they don’t want to put much thought in to things that people say about them or people say when they talk in day today life. They just want to get it from it’s literal sense and digest it.

But how ever there are some people who always talk metaphorical language. They always tell what they want in a very awkward way which makes the listener to think about it and grasp it. I would say we remember metaphorical dialogues than literal dialogues. When we talk with another person if he keeps on telling his ideas literally then we will understand it then and there and we will forget it very soon as we don’t put much thought in to them. But how ever if he speak metaphors or in other words if he or she doesn’t say the things he want to say directly but instead f that if he use metaphorical language the things he say will be there in our minds for more time because we think about what he told in order to grasp the real meaning for his words. There fore as we concentrate more on that we remember that for more time.

I being a debater, orator and a future diplomat(my ambition) thinks that the metaphorical language is relay useful as well as relay effective in order to tell the “nastiest things in the nicest way”.

What we should learn is how to speak to a person politely and at the same time how to speak to his heart and the brain. For me the only way to do that is to use metaphorical language which will talk to his brain as well as the heart in a very polite way.

How ever even though i am admirer of metaphorical language I my self prefer people making sense by the words they speak in other words i prefer people talking literal language because it’s easy for me to understand as well as it easy to reply for those things.

Last but not least what i have to say is that we should not mix these two but should use both of the in a balanced manner!!! Speak to your friend metaphorically!! the time will be closer for you to get a slap from him!!!

After a long time…..

When Some thing is done after a long time it need to be brushed up again because when your don’t do some thing for a quite long time you don’t get the hang of it at once. So it need some time to get brushed up!!! K now you must be thinking why i am telling all this. Err…. Kk I would say its because it had been a long time since i have written the last post on my blog and to a certain extent i have lost the hang of writing. So guys and girls this post might be a bit boring to you all. But don’t stop from here coz i am sure that i am gonna get the hang of writing again at the end so read till the end. hehehe…..

But then agian its not jsut the above reason that made me put this subject for the post. I would say its all my imaginary which made me put this subject. Might be and might not be…. just reads and see.

Once upon a time some thing happened to some one and some thing went wrong and some one told it to ever one and some things were missing and some people were clueless and some people were well aware. Hehehe. Read it again and see how many “some’s” are there.  Aren’t you screaming your head off!!! Run run and run if you wanna catch me. You will never find me.

ok this is soo lame isn’t it. How ever now i am coming to the point when some one see some thing, some for after a long time or if you hear some thing after a long time don’t we get surprised? Don’t we get really excited. The answer is NO!! Coz some words should be added to all what have told before. If we meet some thing or some one WE LIKE!! and if we hear some thing WE LOVE!! then for sure we are going to get excited and overwhelmed about it. Thats the nature. We value what we see after a long time that what we have always. We value whats rare than what we always get. Its always like that. The affection and love that we always get is not valuable to us. We go in search of affection an love!!!

Is this justifiable!!! Yes for me its justifiable. I would say from every once perspective its justifiable. But the I think the question should be whether its fair.  I don’t know what the answer is!! If i had to give a answer i would say both YES and NO. So let me not touch on that but i would say on what grounds i will justify this cause.

Why do you think there is both Treble and Base is music. Its because if we keep on hearing treble music we will get fed up of it. And if it was just base then again we will be fed up of it. So both of it is there to create a variation. We move from one to another because we need variation in life. When we have one thing for along time we get fed up of it. So when we get some thing after along time we value it than what we always have. If we had a pure gold ring for 10 years we will value a normal gold ring with another design even its not pure coz we are fed p of having the other ring for 10 years. What I wanted to tell was IT doesn’t matter whether its GOLD or silver for a person to like or dislike it.

There what we should keep in mind is that we might need variation in life!! We might want things to be not the same always but then again people think before you take  decision. As I always say whats more important is not our happiness but its others happiness. Try to be happy over things that other a re happy about. The world will be a better place.

Some thing which happened recently made me tell all this. I have two last things to tell. That is: Never forget the Past and Never forget to be Honest!!!!